Rut, Funk, and Writer’s Block
People are starting to ask me, “What are you gonna do when you go home?” Want to know the answer?
No freaking idea.
I don’t know.
The possibilities are endless.
I’m in an awkward place. I know that I only have two and a half more months in Ireland, and I will be on a plane heading back to Georgia. From there, I have no idea what I want to do.
It’s not like I have some sensible college degree that could land me a job easily. No, I have a degree in history. Teaching is an option if I want to stay within the history field, but I have zero patients and already went to high school once. Don’t really want to go back there now do we? Nope.
Travel is always an option. As we all know, I LOVE to travel. But it does cost money of which I have very little. So we come back to the job thing.
Then I could flat move abroad again. I can get another Working Holiday Authorization to New Zealand or Australia! Either one of those would be amazing!! Again though, those programs cost money….. And time. I would need to sit down and figure out the best time to go and plan and save up pennies and everything.
I could also just move somewhere different in the States. America is GIGANTIC! I’ve been to over half of America, but there is still so much to see. Boston, Portland, Dallas…
But then there is this whole thing of Ireland. I’ll be honest. I do not want to leave. I created a life here! I have friends, and a job, and I’m happy. I’m incredibly happy. Unfortunately, it is almost impossible for my visa to get extended.
The other night, my roommate and I sat on my bed and just cried because we know my life in Ireland is coming to a close. She is Swedish. Because of that, she can stay in Ireland for however long she wants to. That European passport is a powerful thing. My heart is breaking.
I’m the queen of denial. Anyone that knows me personally knows my infamous catchphrase, “It’s not real if you don’t talk about it.” Every time the question, “What are you gonna do when you get home?” came up, I always responded, “Well that’s age away! I’ll think about that tomorrow.”
Tomorrow is almost here. Y’all, I leave Ireland month after next. What the hell?
Because of all this, my brain is working 90-miles to nothing. What AM I going to do? I don’t know. I’ll be honest, I’m more lost now than I was right after college graduation.
This situation has me in a rut, a funk, a writer’s block. I can’t write about anything of value because my brain wanders every time I sit down with my laptop. I have all these great ideas for posts, but can’t seem to focus long enough to write them. The only reason I got this one out is because it’s more a rant than real substance.
I’m in a weird place, and I don’t know what to do about it.