Rut, Funk, and Writer’s Block

People are starting to ask me, “What are you gonna do when you go home?” Want to know the answer?

No freaking idea. 

I don’t know.

The possibilities are endless.

I’m in an awkward place. I know that I only have two and a half more months in Ireland, and I will be on a plane heading back to Georgia. From there, I have no idea what I want to do.

It’s not like I have some sensible college degree that could land me a job easily. No, I have a degree in history. Teaching is an option if I want to stay within the history field, but I have zero patients and already went to high school once. Don’t really want to go back there now do we? Nope.

Travel is always an option. As we all know, I LOVE to travel. But it does cost money of which I have very little. So we come back to the job thing.

Then I could flat move abroad again. I can get another Working Holiday Authorization to New Zealand or Australia! Either one of those would be amazing!! Again though, those programs cost money….. And time. I would need to sit down and figure out the best time to go and plan and save up pennies and everything.

I could also just move somewhere different in the States. America is GIGANTIC! I’ve been to over half of America, but there is still so much to see. Boston, Portland, Dallas…

But then there is this whole thing of Ireland. I’ll be honest. I do not want to leave. I created a life here! I have friends, and a job, and I’m happy. I’m incredibly happy. Unfortunately, it is almost impossible for my visa to get extended.

The other night, my roommate and I sat on my bed and just cried because we know my life in Ireland is coming to a close. She is Swedish. Because of that, she can stay in Ireland for however long she wants to. That European passport is a powerful thing. My heart is breaking.

I’m the queen of denial. Anyone that knows me personally knows my infamous catchphrase, “It’s not real if you don’t talk about it.” Every time the question, “What are you gonna do when you get home?” came up, I always responded, “Well that’s age away! I’ll think about that tomorrow.”

Tomorrow is almost here. Y’all, I leave Ireland month after next. What the hell?

Because of all this, my brain is working 90-miles to nothing. What AM I going to do? I don’t know. I’ll be honest, I’m more lost now than I was right after college graduation.

This situation has me in a rut, a funk, a writer’s block. I can’t write about anything of value because my brain wanders every time I sit down with my laptop. I have all these great ideas for posts, but can’t seem to focus long enough to write them. The only reason I got this one out is because it’s more a rant than real substance.

I’m in a weird place, and I don’t know what to do about it.

6 thoughts on “Rut, Funk, and Writer’s Block

  1. We’ve all been there. (Ok, I HAVE been there.) Things have a really funny way of working themselves if you’re sensible and if you start to kind of sketch out your plans now.
    I forget who said this, but it was “don’t create plans, create options.” Enjoy the time you do have left and know that you will be able to travel again.

  2. I totally know the feelinng! Last year, due to the difficulty of getting a visa, I had to leave aAustralia. I’d been living there for two years, lov

    1. I totally now the feeling! Last year, due to the difficulty of getting a vida, I had to leave Australia. I’d been living there for two years and absolutely lovingit.i was gutted to have to leave. But now that I’m gone and I’ve settled somewhere new, the pain is less and I’m enjoying my new home. There are so many places in the world, I’m sure you’ll find your place in it!

  3. I’m struggling with similar feelings on the brink of leaving korea. I’m definitely feeling more lost than when I first got here! best of luck in the journey, it’s certainly a process figuring out the best route.

  4. dang, I know how you feel. I’m at the point where it’s like, Is there life outside of Poland?
    Have you considered enrolling in school in Ireland? You could stick around a little longer on a student visa.

  5. Thanks for writing honestly about it! I’m not heading home anytime soon, but what I will do when I return is always smoking on the back burner…

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